


Guess Who's Coming to Dinner: (Not) Mother's Day ft. Bats and Confused Supers

by Vigilante of Fanfics (knight_of_the_internet)



Series: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner ft. the Batfam [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Superman (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6743827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight_of_the_internet/pseuds/Vigilante%20of%20Fanfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the kids hear that there's a guest coming to dinner on Mother's Day, they speculate that it must be a mother for their misshapen family. They later debate on who would be the best fit for Bruce and the family, but they couldn't be more wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Mom is Better Than Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mild swearing once or twice  
> I gladly accept any corrections because my beta is lazy af

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call Cassandra 'Cass' because she's my boo.

**Mother's Day**

"Guys, do you know what day it is?" Dick asked to his adopted family who were all on their phones in the drawing room. Damian was sitting on the floor his back to the ancient couch. On the ancient couch Jason sat with one hand on the armrest the other on his his phone. Cass sat at the other end with her back against the armrest and her feet resting on Jason's lap.

"Enlighten me." Damien said in a disinterested voice without looking up from his phone.

"It's Mother's Day." Dick simply replied. Everyone in the room stiffened the slightest bit. Jason gripped his phone a little tighter, Cass' fingers stopped typing, and Damian started to tap his screen a little more aggressively.

"Why should we care?" Jason said softly after an awkward moment of silence.

Before Dick could come up with and appropriate response, Alfred came in saying, "Master Dick, Master Jason, Master Damian, and Miss Cassandra: Master Bruce would like you to know that he is bringing a guest to dinner and request that you remain on your best behavior."

"I bet it's a date." said Cass after Alfred left.

"Why would he bring a date to dinner?" Damian asked "Especially today of all days."

"Maybe he's trying to introduce her as a new member of the family." Dick said with slight hope.

"Don't get your hopes up," Jason said, "we're talking about Bruce here. He knows that we can handle not having a mom."

Everyone in the room went quiet again.

This time Cass broke the silence, "You know, Diana would make a great mother for our family."

"Don't be ridiculous Cain, if father is implement a mother figure into this misshapen family of ours than it's obviously my mother. The only one worthy of father would of course be an Al Ghul ."

"You're kidding right?" Dick said with a grin as if Damian told a joke. He glanced at Damian's face which was completely serious. Dick's smile fell. "You're not kidding... Talia would be terrible let's not forget the whole conspiring with Lex Luthor thing and every other terrible thing she's done!"

"And Wonder Woman would be a better mom?" Jason asked, now fully intrigued.

"I agree with Cass- Diana would be a great mom! She's nice, on the good side, and that would mean Donna would be an official part of the family!" Dick said.

"Diana is the best choice." Cass concluded as she nodded her head.

"Are you shitting me?" Jason said slightly shocked. "Talia was the one who brought me back to life!"

"Doesn't mean she actually cares." Cass countered.

At that moment Stephanie and Tim decided to walk in. "What's with all the noise in here?" Asked Tim

"Cain and Grayson are insisting that Wonder Woman would be a more suitable match for father than my own mother." Damien answered.

"Ew, no. Talia would be terrible." Stephanie said. Damien and Jason had oddly similar scowls forming on their faces.

"Thank you!" Dick said moving his hands along with his words.

"Diana wouldn't be any better of match." Tim added.

Cass and Dick immediately halted their victory dance.

"Excuse me?" Cass asked

"She's a creation of the gods along with the whole feminism thing, she's an independent woman who don't need no man- not to mention Donna would be your aunt if Bruce were to marry Diana." Tim explained.

Everyone sat in silent thought until Stephanie spoke up, "I like the idea of Selina as the family mom."

"Are you crazy?!" Asked everyone is unison, except for Tim.

"She must be to think that that BRUCE WOULD WANT TO ADD THAT PSCHO." Jason said loudly.

"I see the point," Tim said to Stephanie, "but I've gotta admit that even Selina's a stretch. What about Kate?"

"Nice try," Dick said, "but I don't think her girlfriend would mind."

"Get out!" Jason said to Tim and Stephanie, "you don't even go here."

"Yeah Fatgirl," Damian started.

"Why you little-" Stephanie growled at Damian.

"and Replacement." Jason finished.

"Hey!" Tim exclaimed.

Before a fight could ensue, Alfred came in to tell everyone that dinner would be starting soon and that Bruce's guest was already in the manor.

As the entire group went down the stairs, buzzing with curiosity and left over anger, Tim caught sight of Conner Kent standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Conner!" Tim exclaimed as he went up to hug his 'not-boyfriend'.

Everyone was even more confused.  
They sat at the table leaving two seats at the ends for Bruce and his guest.

Tim sat next to Conner, then next to Conner was Cass and then Dick.  
On the other side sat Stephanie next to Damian and Jason, with a spot for Alfred to join.

When Alfred came in to start putting food on the table, Jason asked, "Hey Alfred, where's Bruce's 'date'?"

Everyone except for Conner grew tense.

Before Alfred could answer, Clark Kent came into the room with a pie in his hands.

 


	2. Be Our Guest

"Oh. Hi kids." He said in a friendly manner. "Bruce is changing upstairs so when he gets back we can dig in."

Everyone was silent.

Clark just stood there awkwardly until Bruce came down the stairs in fresh clothes.

"Good evening kids." He said to everyone at the table. "Alfred, this looks amazing." He said to the butler. "Clark why don't you sit and later we can answer or ask any questions." He said to Clark with a smile brushing his face.

To say dinner was awkward is an understatement.

Damian glared at Steph, Steph looked pleadingly at Tim who was distracted and playing footsies with Conner. Dick was texting Barbara underneath the table, who was laughing at the bunch a safe distance away from the manor.  
Jason stabbed his steak and aggressively drank his juice because Alfred wouldn't let him have anything alcoholic unless he stayed over. Cass was reading everyone at the table's body language trying to decipher what everyone was feeling. Finally, Clark himself was trying to make eye contact win Bruce but was disrupted by the occasional aggressive clattering of dishes.

Finally the silence was broken when Clark spoke up, "So, Dick any plans for the rest of this weekend?"

Out of shock, Dick nearly spit out his drink. Clark had a sincere look of interest in his face. "Um, not much. We'll probably go out to see a movie or something like that."

"That sounds nice." Clark said with a genuine smile. "Cassandra," 

Cass turned her head towards Clark. 

"How have you lessons with John going? Diana told me you've been vastly improving."

Cass nodded her head in agreement with a slight smile on her face.

"Conner, Tim, do you have any fun upcoming plans?"

The two halted their weird foot contact and looked up at Clark. 

Finally, Tim decided to speak up, "We're going to a concert this Friday."

"Sounds like fun, is it just the two of you?"

Tim's face reddened. This time Conner spoke up for the two of them, "Uh-um no, the rest of the t-team is coming along too."

"That's nice." Clark turned to Jason and said, "Jason, you've got a little something on your face." Clark gestured to his own chin to indicate the area Jason got food on his face.

To prevent the silence from getting too awkward, Clark decided Bruce should join into the small-awkward talk.

"Bruce, how's Gotham doing?" Bruce looked up from his handheld device that he used (unknowingly to his children) to virtually keep an eye on the city.

"G-good." He managed to reply. He looked around at the table just in time to see Damian feeding Titus his Brussels sprouts.

"Damian, you should really eat your vegetables instead of feeding them to Titus." Bruce sternly said to the child.

Damian glared at his Father, and then at Clark.

"You're still a growing boy, you need them more than he does." Clark added.

Damian's glare intensified. Finally, he snapped. "DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO PEASANT! YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!" He ran away to his room with Titus at his heels.

Everyone was shocked at his outburst and looked towards the direction in which he went. 

"Maybe I should go talk to him." Bruce said, as he started to get up from his seat.

"No Bruce, let me." Clark said. He got up and kissed Bruce on the cheek, and headed up the stairs towards Damian's room. 

At the dinner table everyone, once again, sat in deafening silence. 

* * *

 

"Damian," Clark gently knocked on the boy's door,"Damian, can I come in?"

Clark only heard the spastic breathing of Damian, Titus, and Alfred the cat. He was about to go back downstairs, when suddenly he heard footsteps followed by the opening of a door. 

At the door frame stood Damian with an expression void of any happy emotion on his face. Without a word he opened the door wider and went to sit on the floor next to Titus and Alfred. Clark walked over and sat next to him.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes before Clark spoke up. "Damian, I'm not trying to replace your mother. I'm sure she cares for your father, but those two just aren't the most compatible."

Damian turned to glare at him. 

"Think about it, would you and your family really be happy in a house where your parents are arguing? Or in a house where the mother is the heir to an assassin organization while your father fights those assassins? Both of your parents care and love for you, just not as a team."

"I realize that Mother may not be the most suitable match for Father. She hardly ever does the things that mothers are supposed to do." Damian finally admitted. 

"Then what's eating up at you?" Clark gently prodded. 

Finally, Damian opened up. "Brown told me that mothers are supposed to help you in times of need, that mothers do what's best for you even if it doesn't seem reasonable, that mothers help you when you have a crush." He said the last part silently. "And I still do not have a mother to confide in."

Clark perked up a little bit. "Oh? Well, you have something different, a good different. You have a person who loves your father and knows what it's like to grow up with non-biological parents. You also have a person who managed to woo another person with the emotional range of a teaspoon."

"Really?" Damian perked up. "So you'll help me court Wilkes?"

"If you want me to."

 

 


	3. Mark Your Calendars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short conclusion to wrap this up.

*Twenty Minutes Later* 

After finishing dinner without Damian and Clark everyone moved to the living room. 

Still awkward silence.

Everywhere.

Then, just as Bruce was going to see what happened to Damian and Clark, said persons came down the stairs, seeming as thick as thieves. 

Everyone got tense at the sight of Damian smiling. 

Damian stood in front everyone and cleared his throat to make an announcement. "Ahem, I have accepted Kent, the more capable one," he gave Conner a nasty glance, "as a suitable match for Father and furthermore declare any other potential matches farce." Everyone stared waiting for more. "Carry on!"

After Clark, Bruce, and Alfred went out of the room to do other things, a loud, "OH SHIT!" could be heard.

Everyone turned their heads questioningly toward the source of the outburst, which was Jason. 

"I just realized, we are so screwed for Father's Day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh well, I tried.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one chapter thing- woops. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
